FANtastic

They say that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.  So I want everyone to know that my name is Nathan and I am a fan, and an idiot.  Yes I know its a shocker to everyone considering that this blog is so unbiased.  Stop laughing! Stop it asshole.  Well anyway I just got an e-mail that is accusing me of not being true to the many fans that I write this blog for.  So I have decided to set teh record straight and write like a fan, but just for today!

Since I have been so impartial I bet you are wondering what a few of my favorite teams might be.  So lets start with the worthless sports first, I love the Chicago Cubs.  The loveable losers and I seem to have an unexplicable bond. I spend every summer watching the highlights, because God knows that I can not sit through a whole baseball game on TV, rooting for the Cubbies with full knowledge of the fact that they will get to the playoffs and just collapse.  I know this, however every october I throw on my Cubs hat and cheer like a mad man as they get swept out of the playoffs thusly crushing my dreams of burning my "Wait til next year" T-shirt.  Pretty pathetic huh! Well I am a fan and you just wait til next year the Cubs are going all the way!  My favorite basketball team is the Golden State Warriors.  I know, I know and they may never do anything.  But I still root them on whenever they are on national TV and thats usually only when they are playing the Lakers.  I always cheer for them to get that eighth  spot in the playoffs, which they never get, or for them to get a high pick in the lottery draft.  It doesnt matter which one they are both victories for us!  Next there is my Broncos.  See my Broncos are a work in progress.  I love them.  They are the reason I wake up on Sundays.  They can do no wrong.  Denver is a phenomal team and should be back to glory soon.  Underachieving, sure but still great!  That brings us to Michigan.  Oh sweet Wolverines.  They were such a powerhouse in my youth, which is one of the reasons they are my favorite teams.  Every saturday they march out on the field in the maize and blue and a tear almost comes to my eye. I wept when Bo Schembecler died, when LLoyd Carr was let go, and when I found out they were running the spread.  I know this is a rebuilding year and I will stick with them but a part of me dies every weekend we lose, and alot more of me dies when we lose to Toledo. I also love Stanford but we all have vices we are not proud of.  Now before all the Florida Panther fans jump all over me because i didnt mention hockey, Fuck Off, I dont like hockey and I dont even think it is a legitimate sport.  It is what straight figure skaters do to pass the time. 

See I am a fan, and I truly support fans all over the sports world.  What I do not condone is ignorance.  I think I can speak for both my brother and I when I say a fan is a great thing, but an uneducated anything is just annoying.  Root for any team you chooose,  but read something please.  Learn a couple of stats, read a well written sports blog (shameless ploy).  Learn not only about your team but about the other teams in your conference, league, or division.  Yell about your teams but, Ball State fans dont yell about how your team could beat Texas.  You may believe it, want it, and hope for it, but you cant KNOW it is true.  I love fans, but please educate yourself so you are not, THOSE fans.

Since all of this doubting of fandom was brought on by an email from a USC fan, I have a message for you all too.  Shut the fuck up.  Yes you do have possibly the most talented team in the NCAA.  You can match up with anyone at any position, except quarterback because he is garbage, and you probably have a line of number one recruits waiting in the wing.  You know who else is the most talented team in their league, the Dallas Cowboys.  You want me to buy into the USC number one bullshit, dont lose to Stanford, UCLA, CAL, or Oregon State.  Then and only then I will I believe that you are the number one team in the nation.  Until then SHUT THE FUCK UP and I wont have a reason to blast you every week!

So to make a long blog short, be a fan but dont be an embarassment to fans everywhere.  Continue to live like no one is watching and rooting with a little bit of conscious effort!  

Why do fans get a top 25?

My brother posed a question yesterday and then graced us with his angelic words.  Ok he is a crazy man but we love him.  Well to answer his question i have taken an in depth fan poll and uncovered some interesting things about the "fan poll."  So here it is as well as the reasons they are where they are.

1.)  Texas Tech-  Tech is undefeated, that alone earns them a few first place votes from their over zealous fans.  But Lubbock is located in the sparsely populated west texas so how did they get all those votes.  I will tell you, it is because my good friend Kreig, an avid Tech supporter, is the anti-christ and used a jedi mind-trick to convince everyone in the nation to vote for Texas Tech, twice.

2.) Penn State-Penn State, like Tech is undefeated once again earning them some first place votes.  But Penn State has a huge problem.  See every fan of Big 10 schools wants to see Penn State get destroyed by a power house school from a stronger conference so they are trying to vote them into the national title game.

3.) USC-USC is only ranked so high because USC is in Hollywood and everyone in Hollywood believes in stupid fucking Fairy Tales.  FUCK USC!

4.) Florida-I think that florida deserves to be in the top ten.  So it is not a stretch that they might make the top 5 in a fan poll.  See Gainseville is a small town and the only thing to do there is to get on ESPN.com and vote for the Gators, and beat up other frat boys.

5.)  TCU-This is a good football team.  I can see why they could possibly ould be ranked so high.  Also Iowa State and Baylor fans are repeatedly voting for TCU in hopes that they will get spared the embarassment of staying in the Big 12.

6.) Boise State-Well they again are undefeated so at the risk of sounding monotonous its a good reason to vote them high.  But this high is kinda ridiculous.  After reading more into this I found this was actually an accident.  MAC voters were actually trying to vote for Ball State but where blinded by some hideous blue turf.

7.) Georgia-Georgia is a great team and they are making a n arguement toward the fact that they might be one of the best teams in the SEC.  They have a great offense despite their young offensive line.  Their defense is not losing games for them so they are good.  But their over-rankage comes from all the bored Gainesville gator fans voting Georgia high so that the Gators can get another quality win so maybe other SEC fans will forget that they lost to Ole Miss.

8.) Minnesota-This is just Big 10 fans  trying to strengthen their conference by delusions of Grandeur.  They aere a good team but the Big 10 makes them a highly doubtful top 10 pick. Maybe its not big 10 voters this time, I think it is because Minnesota is nicknamed the Gophers and Canadiens love that shit.  Damn those Canadiens they ruin everything sacred about football, this and the CFL are prime examples.

9.) Ball State-An undefeated team that is totally unproven.  I can understand why MAc fans are so excited about a team that seems legitimate.  But the truth this is teh result of every drunken frat boy in America voting for a team that uses the first five letters in the university name to spell BALLS.

10.) Utah- Well they beat a Big 10 school but i really believe that a step sideways not forward.  They have cool helmets thats a good reason to rate them this high.  I think it is kind of redundant to say but they are undefeated.  The real reason they are ranked this high because after the BYU debaucle the mormons in Utah needed something to latch onto, so they voted for the Utes.  Good decision.

11.) Tulsa-Tulsa is a giant fraud.  They are just like the old Texas Tech teams that could run up the score and maybe just maybe they could outscore you.  But all in all they are garbage and they haven't played anyone.  But like my brother said they do win and that is their job.  Plus they score alot more than any of the bucked tooth inbred morons in Oklahoma, so they get those votes! Its alot to say when you are the only undefeated team in Oklahoma.

12.) Alabama- Ok who are we kidding Alabama is a top 10 team no matter how you slice it.  They are undefeated in the SEC which is like being republican in Texas your going to get the vote.  So I know they deserve to be in the top 10 but every bitter Saban-hating Miami Dolphin fan is voting them 160th and since there are just as many computers in Miami as there are in the whole state of Alabama, there you go it lands them right in the middle.

13.) BYU-I am so bitter about this team that I wish they were ranked 58th.  They totally let me down.  And we all know that you should never let me down.  I think they should be in the bottom of the top 25 but since all the Mormons are voting for Utah they have their multiple wives voting for BYU in hopes that they might make it in the top 10.

14.) Maryland-This team is a debaucle.  As my brother so elegantly put it, and Im parapharasing here, their defense is trash some times.  They are definately not a top 25 team.  I will give John credit.  He worked around the clock to devise a plan to overtake a prison housing illegal immigrants.  He then convinced them that if they all voted Maryland Terrapins number one they would be freed and allowed to vote on immigration policies in the United states. So tehy voted for the Terps, veinte veces!

15.) Kansas-Kansas is a great team with a tough schedule.  In the Pac 10 0r the Big 10 this would be an undefeated or one loss team depending on the non-conference schedule.  With all that said top 15 is a stretch, like Mangino's waistband.  They only reason that they mad in on the fan poll is because fans thought they were being asked which college football team's coach could play santa the most convincingly.  Kansas you win!

16.) Oklahoma-This is actually a great team.  It is a travesty that they are not in the top 10 of evey poll including the fan poll.  They are one of the most talented and well-coached teams in the NCAA and have been for years.  They only dropped this low on the fan poll because Okies are morons and they have already jumped on the Tulsa bandwagon.

17.)  Texas-This is bitter-sweet because I hate Texas.  But they are without a doubt the unanimous number one in the nation.   They have beat all the top teams they have played and they are looking better each week.   I have found a reason that they are ranked so low however,  see Mack Brown and George W. Bush look and sound alike so I believe that Texas' low rank is directly propotional to Dubyas approval rating, ohh tough break.  

18.) Oklahoma State-Oh come on this team is easily a top 10 team.  They proved their worth against Texas and I dont see blaming this one on the Okies.  But I will, this team is definately the victim of Okie stupidity based on imbreeding and lower alcohol content beer. I know they will be fine though because Mike gundy is a man and he's forty, or is it 41?

19.) South Florida- See south florida is a program on the rise but a team that just cant seem to finish.  they are good but voters and fans seem to be rulctant to vote them very high because they know it will be another big let down. Sort of like the Rays who lost in the World Series last night.  St. Petersburg/Tampa bay one giant let down.

20.)  Missouri-The fans might have got this one right.  This is a good team with two losses to really good teams.  This team truly does deserve to be in the top 15 but since the yuppie northern fans dont really have any clue where missouri is and the rest of the midwest hates missouri because it is majority black, they drop to number 20.

21.)  Michigan State-I dont really think we need another Big 10 school in the top 25 do you?   This is a middle of the road team in a weak conference.  I think that the only reason they squeeked into the top 25 on the fan poll is because the rest of the fans of Michigan fans need a team from there state to make it to a bowl game.  

22.)  Florida state-Yet another average team in an average conference.  You idiot fans forgot Notre Dame in this whole sham of a top 25.  Football fans are stupid especially for this one.  Maybe just maybe Bobby Bowden got confused and thought that he was voting for president and ended up voting for FSU sixty times in the fan poll. Retire already Bobby.

23.)  LSU- LSU is a victim of the tough SEC.  But since tehy looked crappy in the two losses they drop or so it would seem.  But it is really because nobody in the back ass bayous of Louisiana has a computer.  I think you can look for LSU to move up when the mail in ballots come in next month, but by then they might have lost again by then. Damn coonass!

24.)  Oregon-I didnt even know that Oregon was still playing football.  They are so under publicized that I didnt even know they were doing that good.  So I really cant understand how they made it into the fan top 25 unless al the guy working at Nike voted for them up there in Oregon.  If that is the case what do those guys know about sports. Idiots!

25.) Ohio State-It is no secret why Ohio State is the last team on this fan top 25.  No one really wants to see them being smashed by a superior opponent in the BCS National Championship Game so teh fans are sparing the buckeyes the embarassment by trying to keep them as far away from the top spot as possibly.  Maybe the best decision made in this joke poll!

So now you all know the inter workings of the Fan Poll.  I hope it is as helpful as I thought it would be! 

Guest Writer

This is a blog written by my brother.  He as you know a sports genius.  I hope you all read it with the same respect that you give me.  Send all questions and comments to me and i will relay them to the moron who wrote this.  And tonight we have teh full indepth report of the "fan poll."

Maryland is (the) Shit

By John

GO TERPS!

Hi y'all.

Okay now that we have that dumb shit out of the way I can go back to being a douchebag.  I hate football fans.  Well mostly i hate everyone, but we will focus on football fans today.  I called my brother this morning so he could explain to me why the hell certain teams were ranked where they are in the rankings. (I do this kind of thing when logic fails me and I feel the need for sharp pains in my head.)  After we go through the obligatory "What are you doing?" "watching Sportscenter in my underwear. What are you doing?" Reorganizing my asian porn" conversation we get to the meat of the problem: Football fans are idiots.

I looked at the ESPNU Fan poll and they have Maryland (14) ranked above Texas(17).  What are you high?  There is something wrong in this nation (quite obvious in any case) when you vote the Terps (GO TERPS!) above the Longhorns.  If you think in any version of reality that the Terps (FEAR THE TURTLE!) have a snowball's chance in hell against a team like Texas, you need to put the crack pipe down.  I love my team but I have seen them pick their defense from the opposing teams fans.  (At least it seemed so.)  Case in point:  the Cal game.  It was 21 to 6 at the half.  Cal scored 21 points in the fourth quarter.  Im pretty sure that the Terps defense got to watch that from home because they weren't on the field to stop Cal.  At this time I'm not even sure they belong in the top 25.  If they win their next two games I think they should be considered for a top 25 spot.  Their defense needs to start coming to games though.

Of course it could just be taht more Maryland fans are voting than UT fans.  If thats the case thats just pathetic.  I hate UT fans.  They are the most rabid blathering idiots I have ever met (GO TERPS!).  But if you aren't voting for your team and they are as they are this year ( and  possibly next year) you're a dipshit.  Get off your ass, get out of your trendy hipster Austin coffee house and bar and get on the internet and vote, hell you don't even have to leave the place.  They probably have wifi.  Prove your a fan and not that you just want to hold clever "cough" bullshit! "cough" signs on ESPN Gameday.

On the specific fans I hate subject:  Fuck USC! If you are a fan of USC fine, get on the short bus with the rest of the retards and don't forget your helmet.  I don't want to hear how good you THINK your team is this year.  Your team shouldn't even be in the top ten.  The PAC 10 blows.  Its the weakest conference in BCS play and you get all proud when you whoop the shit out of of the slow kids at Washington State and then barely win at Arizona.  If you want to be considered a good team, don't lose.  Im not saying don't lose at Oregon State, Im saying don't lose.  I counted eight teams in the top 25 that don't have a loss.  I'm not jaded enough to say they are all better than you, but the fact remains, come Saturday evening those teams did their job:  WIN.  So fine be a fan of USC, but gimme a break with this our team is number one shit.  (And since I haven'r said it this paragraph GO TERPS!)

In closing: be a fan, love your team.  But recognize their faults.  My bother is a Michigan and Cubs fan.  He rides the shortest bus of all, but he won't even argue that those teams are anywhere near the top of the pile this year.  Now I have to get back to my regularly scheduled activities of searching for Asian bondage porn and listening to Like a Virgen on repeat.  I return you to your regularly scheduled meandering of an alcohol soaked mind.

GO Terps!

John

John is Nate's brotherand lives in Texas, where they play football for real.  He enjoys slow dancing, candles, long walks on the beach tattooed women and asians.  He also has a thing for amphibians which hopefull explains his love for the Florida Gators and the Maryland Terrapins and not his love for rare frog skin condoms.

Top 10 sportsnews headlines that piss me off

10.) Why are we questioning Mike Singletary's decicsion to send Vernon Davis to the locker room.  I think we need more coaches like this.  Davis was acting like a diva and needed to be knocked down a notch.  I think Mike singletary has teh right approach.  The last few years pro athletes have been saying that you have to treat them like grown men but continue to act like High School kids.  So I say treat them like High School kids.  Tom Coughlin and Mike Singletary are old school guys that dont feel the need to take crap, from over paid babies.  I like it Mike and hopefully Vernon will learn a few things.  Vernon is from maryland I think he can be a good solid player in the league.  Maybe this type of treatment is actually what we need to turn these guys around.  So media stop asking of if he overreacted and just let him do his job while he has it!

9.)  The World Series a major crapshoot.  First we had two small market teams and that the MLB really doesnt market so noone will watch.  Then we have a rain delay on game 4 and game 5 got posponed.  THIS SUCKS!!! Not to mention my new band wagon team The Rays are down 3-1 and havent really shown up at all.  The middle of their lineup is like 5 for 40 or something like that.  Is there anyway we can just call it a draw and fire Bud Selig?  Please.

8.) I am talking about baseball in the middle of football season.  Once again I propose we wedgie Bud Selig.

7.)  The NFL, for the second year in a row,  had a football game in London.  WHY?  Didnt the NFL Europe fall apart.  It is obvious that the UK didnt accept our version of football so FUCK EM.  Bad idea NFL.  Keep it in the States, this includes Toronto,  BUFFALO STAY OUT OF FUCKING CANADA!!!!

6.) It really pisses me off that Michigan versus Purdue is not a highlight on the schedule in the BIG 10.  I mean these are two elite college football programs......OK I know its a load of bull shit.  These two teams couldnt be more garbage.  I really hope that both teams turn it around but it definately wont be this year, and that is soo depressing.  PS FUCK THE SPREAD OFFENSE IN ANN ARBOR!  Damn that Rich Rodriguez!

5.)I am sick and tired of athlete apologies.  I wish every idiot got the opportunity to apology for their stupidity through their agents and spoke people.  Wouldnt it make them all seem more believably! NO!  You want me to accept that your not an idiot, stop doing stupid shit.  All that money and only thing you can find to do with your time is spit your drink in the face of a woman at the club.  DUMBASS!.  You have a multi-million dollar mansion but you carry your weed around with you in the car.  DIPSHIT!!!  In the words of the immortal Jim Carrey, and possibly the greatest legal advice ever, STOP BREAKING THE LAW ASSHOLES!

4.)  I am extremely worried that we will have another garbage Big 10 team in the national title game.  Sure Penn State might run the table but who have they really played besides of course Ohio State but we have already seen how well they do on the national stage.  I love Joe Pa and I love that he is proving that he really does still have it, BUT the conference is just garbage I wish that Penn State had played a tougher non conference schedule then adn only then could there have been an actual discussion as to whether or not they sould be in the national title game.  Please BCS computers if you are listening pick a big 12 v. sec national title game.

3.)  BCS busters suck.  I am always on the band wagon of one of these non-bcs schools and they always let me down.  Other than Boise state a few years ago there has not been one of these small conference schools worth getting excited about.  Of course since I love the underdog I always jump on the band wagon and they always let me down(BYU).  Now i know its my fault but I really dont think that any of these teams could survive in a big conference.  there is an exception and that is believe it or not TCU.  I think if they were in a big conference they would have a better recruiting chance.   They are in a prime recruiting location and if you put them in the big 12 they would have a legitimate national championship shot thusly attracting more of the big texas recruits.  Other than that FUCK YOU UTAH, and you too TULSA!

2.)  Tech VS. Texas! Yeah its a big game, Yeah Colt McCoy is amazing, yeah I just puked.  I really hope Tech destroys Texas.  My brother made a good point about defense, but to that I say defense, schemense! I think that Tech can outscore Texas! Thats right I said it.  Let the emails pour in.  But I do.  everyone is worried about Techs Defense but i  think that they will make one stop and that might be all it takes.  Plus I hate UT and need them to lose, and sense I couldnt root against them when they were playing teams from Ok"blah"oma I can or Miss"bore"i  I am now excited that I can root on the fighting Red Raiders.  I mean with a coach that seeems like he burned all his good brain cells up and doesnt worry about "what those stupid computers are doing" I think this might be the chance to beat this stupid Long horn team.  GUNS UP!!  the only down fall here is that this might open up the chance for Penn State to get into the National Championship in which case I just contradicted my self.  My head hurts!!!

1.)  FUCK USC.  If they get into the national title game i may never watch another college football again!

a moment from my mindless meanderings

I am writing today about Americas social retardation.  I have been, in the past, quick to blame our children and their problems communicating, due to Myspace and other atrocities, for the lost art of conversation.  But has the inability to express ourselves about things that truly matter always been a part of adulthood.  Why is a passionate conversation always a bad thing.  You know the social rule: You cannot discuss race, religion, or politics.  Is the adult social retardation due to overly social conscience adults?  Guys will talk about sports teams until it becomes a drunken argument, but we can not say who we are voting for.  Do we have to continually dumb down our conversations so that no one gets their feelings hurt.  Let us look at it step by step.

   Race- Race is a hot bed of controversy. White people are always worried if they are saying the right thing.  People of color are always waiting for white people to say the wrong thing so they can bust our balls on it.  Have you noticed, however, that those who are most race conscience are the ones that always say the most racist things.  Have you ever seen a white guy at a party with predominately black guys.  He starts trying to prove his "blackness" by talking hoops and passing out "daps" like candy at hollywood.  You just wanna run up and slap him and say 'CHILL THE FUCK OUT!"  Also teh saying I am not a racist but...always precedes the most ignorant racist rant you could ever hear.  My brotehr John is the whitest guy I know and is loved by black people because he is too clueless to be offensive.  If we could all be so goofy.

Religion- Is anyone really passionate about religion anymore?  A majority of Americans can only say they believe in a higher being.  Only a few of them can talk an actual religious affiliation, unless of course your mormon then you are serious.  Jeez those mormons have a real sense of self.  

Politics-  POlitics is another fast fading ideal.  Again a majority of Americans have lost all passion for the political system.  Look at the state of America.  Everyone i talk to is so fed up with this country that you could almost accuse all of us of being "UnAmerican", and if that is the case wouldnt being "UnAmerican" be the new American way.  And why are you so offended any way if someone doesn't vote the same way as you?  Is JOhn McCain or Barack Obam your best friend.  A difference of opinion is however our constitutional right.  

So as it stands Americans cannot carry on intelligent conversations.  Our difference of opinions have to be about sports teams, shoes, and where to get the best fishing gear.  I say grow up America.  But what do I know I am just a bartender.  Continue to live like no one is watching, and I now return you to your regularly scheduled bloggage! 

My Top 25

Ok here it goes.  This is my top 25.  I am posting before the real top 25 comes out so ya'll can compare them then email your comments.

1. Texas

2. Alabama

3. Penn State

4. OKlahoma

5.  Georgia

6. Texas Tech

7.  Oklahoma State

8.  USC

9. Florida

10. Boise State

11. Utah

12. TCU

13. Ohio State

14.  Missouri

15. LSU

16. Ball state

17. BYU

18. Tulsa

19. Minnesota

20. Florida State

21. Virginia

22. Georgia Tech

23. South Florida

24. Michigan State

25.  Kansas

I didnt move Tulsa because for some reason they play tonight.  I also didnt feel the need to move Oklahoma state down much because they played texas better than most.  I did move texas Tech up and USc way down.  They looked awful late last night against a very good Arizona team. Check it out and Live like no one is watching.

Colt McCoy

Colt McCoy announced today that he was going to stay for his senior season at Texas.  Now I hate the University of Texas but I love this decision.  What a self-less and wonderful idea this is.  Alot of the doubters are saying that he should leave to avoid injury and that is a legitimate arguement.  What is not a legitimate argument is how much this will hurt his draft status or signing bonus.  We constantly bitch about athletes that make everything about money, however when a kid makes a decision to stay in college the first thing we think about is the money.  YOU MORONS!  How about applauding a kid who has decided to fufill the commitment he made to his school.  Are we now so quick to associate athletes with money that we cannot appreciate an athlete who is making a decision based on how much he loves his school and what he does.  Speaking of money I dont believe that this decision will hurt or help his draft status.  He will be a mid-second, early third round pick either way he does it.  If that is true why not stay in college where you are the greatest quarterback in the game right now.  I like the fact that he just continueas to smoke defenses every week and I wouldnt mind seeing it again next year.  I think seeing Colt on the field on saturdays is better than seeing him on the sidelines each sunday.  With all that said FUCK YOU UT! Lose already please.  Yall live like no one is watching and Stay IN School!.

PS.  I am adding a special ps to my blog today.  It has nothing to do with the blog I just wrote.  I HATE FANTASY FOOTBALL! And that is all I have to say about that!

OK, OK, OK.

Well my recent viewers have been bashing me for ignoring a very big story in professional sports.  That would be the Tampa Bay Rays.  Now the fact that I live in Florida and that almost all my readers are Floridian I feel the need to address what actually is the kind of sports story I live for.  Also its because I want people to know that I do more than watch football.  I want to congratulate the Rays on thier recent success.  After 9 losing seasons, the only 9 seasons they have even been a franchise, and being one of the worst teams in baseball in all those seasons, it would have been just enough to finish in the top 3 in the AL east.  But they were not satisfied with that or with just coasting to a wild card spot.  No they buckled down at the end of the regular season and held off the surging Red Sox to win the division.  And at that point I was applauding cautiously.  What they had done so far was exceptional but I still expected them to stumble.  Especially when they were to play the Red Sox in the ALCS.  Then they got up 3-1 and I was astounded, but the story doesnt end there, the Red Sox did what the Red Sox tend to do and tied the series 3-3.  Then my thoughts of doubt started swirling again, I mean this is a young team playing a Sox team that has a knack for wrecking hopes and dreams of teams that dominate them early in a series.  In game 7 in the 8th inning 2 outs and the bases loaded, these young Rays trot out David Price, a hard throwing young pitcher who didn't get a win until THIS postseason.  I once again began to think oh hear we go.  The Sox in 7.  Thats when I watched a magical moment in baseball history Price strikes out the batter and then destroys the lineup in the ninth.  RAYS TO THE WORLD SERIES, which they will win!  

But that is not what this article is about.  Shame on you Florida sports fan.   When the Rays  were in first place in the regular season and still couldnt sale out the Trop.  You just now started jumping on the band wagon. SHAME SHAME SHAME! I will commend you though, you sure do support teams without any knowledge of sports and that in itself is amazing.  I urge florida fans to support your teams all season, win or lose, and LEARN ABOUT FUCKING SPORTS YOU ASSHOLES.  Live like noone is watching, like the RAYS HAVE ALL SEASON.  I believe guys. 

Sensitivity please!

It has been a long standing complaint that men have a huge problem showing their emotions. Whenever anything important happens we clam up.  That is the way most men would have it.  Its also how most men would want the men we watch play sports to be.  But there seems to be a new trend in professional sports.  That trend is men who have no problem expressing how sad or unappreciated they are.  It became a theme of national coverage when Terrell Owens "accidently overdosed" and had the paramedics called to his home. We had the ordeal with Vince Young just recently when the police were called to find him because friends were worried about his state of mind after being booed and injured.  His mom pleaded with the media to not be so rough on her boy.  Thats another thing we have Moms sticking up for the nationally spot-lighted grown sons alot lately too.  But anyway just yesterday Kellen Winslow junior claimed he is under appreciated.  Are you kidding me.  Now I dont want to make this an issue about money because I do not believe that money buys happiness, but they do make alot of money.  But how about being appreciative of the fact that they get to play a kids game.  That is how they earn all that money!  They are young, healthy and their biggest money problem is whether or not to go with  the alligator interior on thier new bentley.  I wish they would just play football.  If your not happy with your job please do what the rest of the nation does and find a new  one.  If you want a real problem how about you trade situations with any blue collar worker in the United States.  I know alot of these guys came from hard lives and rough backgrounds so they know what it is like to struggle.  Have they forgotten?  Does money lead to Alzheimers?  Please guys believe me that I have no idea what its like to be famous or how hard it is to be in the national spotlight, but you can not tell me that it is harder than it was struggling to survive the things alot of y0u had to deal with growing up.  And if it is QUIT! Because it is hard to watch a multi-millionaire with a fantastic job (playing professional sports to me is the ultimate dream job)  whine about whether or not he is appreciated.  So guys; play the game and rake in your amazing salary, or quit and go be a bartender and listen to others complain.  Either way you would make me feel alot better about professional athletes! Live like no one is watching, but whatever you do dont complain about it.

Late Night Learning

Stop reading now if you think this is about late night fetish porn.  Its actually about what I learn every night from my non-athletic brother who picks his favorite teams by mascot coolness.  Fuck you its a word.  He has this new desire to learn and understand college football.  Its actually quite disturbing considering he also plays hours of civilization and as we speak is probably downloading asian porn.  I know alot of it has to do with his roommate Krieg who is my old roomate and talks alot about football, but I think also has to do with his desire to know more than how intimidating a tortoise can be.  I am impressed with how much he knows.  He has an amazing ability to learn and an amazing desire to understand everything he researches.  He asks questions he reads articles and he yells GO TERPS on wednesday.  Sounds like a real fan to me.  He has another quality of a true fan.  Even if he cant prove by research knowledge  that his team is the best he just convinces himself of that fact and yells GO TERPS until you agree with him just to shut him up.  I learn more about what he knows during late night conversations than I would ever have imagined him knowing about football.  I  mean this is a guy who quit football in high school because "it just wasnt as violent as I thought it would be"  Any way thanks for the new found knowledge of Maryland football, seeing as I always thought they were jsut a womens basketball team, and GO TERPS. God that is wierd to say.   Live like no one is watching and john stop trying to match like a virgen to "Yellow Fever Fiver in your attempt to make a porn version of "Dark Side Of OZ". 

Life, Love, and the pursuit of happy hour!

The stockmarket seems to be as fickle as a bi-polar pregnant lady.  On friday some of my fine patrons were in the bar at happy hour drinking half priced scotch and moaning and groaning about how they were ready to quit thier jobs and moving to europe and starting an escort business.  Then yesterday they were in buying Johnny Walker blue and claiming how smart they where to stick around.  OH, they would say, the market is on a cycle it always comes back.  Now today all hell broke loose again I cant wait to see em.  Me I would rather talk about the back and forth ridiculously that is the NFL and NCAA.  But I get overruled because the customer is always right, here is where I pause for raucous laughter.  Anyway the point of this article is that no matter which way business is going they always come to one place, my bar.  It is a sanctuary for these guys to come and talk about whatever, unfortunately it isnt football, selfish pricks.  I am always either consonling or congratulating.  So come in whenever you want and share your troubles or triumphs.  That is always our motto, and everyone's right.  Live like no one is watching!

What do you mean there is no penis!?

My girlfriend and i went on wednesday to have an ultrasound and learn the sex of our baby.  Now I am not saying that I was biased on any way but I showed up with an its a boy cigar, a cubs hat on, a denver bronco jersey, and a Golden State Warriors foam finger.  We saw all the cool stuff and learned that our baby was perfect, then the lady doing the ultrasound said it, "I definately dont see anything its a girl."  WHAT wait a minute My family only makes boys please check again.  I mean maybe he is just equipped like his father.  But sure enough it was a girl.  I am not disappointed swear.  I am excited as long as she loves sports and hits boys in the face.  I mean all i know about girls can be covered in a word, nothing!  What happens when she grows to be a teenager.  Teenage girls are nuts i know because I dated them well into my twenties.  But ot raise a girl that will be out of control.  Especially in this vain place.  I dont wanna raise a girl who only cares about clothes and cars and money.  I want a girl who cares about people and life, but thats kinda hard considering there are no adult women here who share my feelings except of course my lovely girlfriend who is working on it.  I cant wait for March and teh baby gets here! But a girl what an adventure!  Yall remeber to live like no one is watching!

Pac-man Jones YOU SUCK!

The topic at the bar today was the recent fuck up by Pac-man jones.  Now the Cowboys are trying to do damage control by saying it was a playful thing gone bad and that no one really knows what happened.  I am also well aware that the media can trump up the facts and report on any inkling of fact, BUT what was Pac-man doing out anyway. First of all he has a reputation for acting like an idiot in public.  He is probably a target of any used to be coulda been all stater burnout who wants take a shot at a pro.  So the NFL and the dallas cowboys attached a security detail to him.  Now Pac-man allegedly got in a fight with one of them.  Are you kidding me! Was it that boring with no one to shoot at or strippers to slap he had to fight a security guard assigned to keep him out of trouble, allegedly of course.  Now let me put a disclaimer here if this just over reaction by the media and things than shame all yall for not letting the kid have chance, but once again, WHY WAS HE THERE?  If you are on the very edge of losing what I believe to be the greatest job in the all the world why would you jeopardize that by even being seen in a public place much less a party at a hotel where there was drinking.  A grown-man has to know his limits and apparently one of Pac-mans limitations is acting like a grown man.  I will be honest.  I hope he gets through this I hate to see  anyone fail but if it does it will raise a new question, Did he get through this because of Jerry Jones and his money?  Conspiracy theory yall will like that! Well that is enough about pac-man because everyone will be talking about it all weekend! Keep living like noone is watching unless your pac-man, because all eyes are on you buddy, good luck.

No Introductions neccessary

Welcome to my blog.  My name is nathan, it was nate but now that i am pushing thirty I think it is time to grow up a little.  The things that are written in this blog are simply opinions supported by very little fact.  Take them as they are.  I often use course language so that is why there is an adult content advisory.  So lets get together and make sweet blog music or something lame like that. Remember to live like no one i watching